♥Welcome to Raine's Life♥
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♥ SNAPSHOTS OF LOVE ♥
Mirror mirror on the wall...
Wednesday, November 20, 2013 @ 3:11 AM
Sometimes I like to talk to myself. Some questions, only I can answer and only be asked by me. I guess this is what people term as "reflection". Every now and then, we make certain choices, we lead certain lives. We meet certain people, we treat them in certain ways. We stop and think when we are confused or standing at crossroads. Time to time, I question myself. How different am I from others and how similar am I with others. We may have the same needs and wants but we seek them differently. It may or may not be about what is right or wrong but which way suits who. I like what I'm doing but it is not love. I get disheartened when I see people behaving in certain manners. But then again it's not like I won't see such human behavior anywhere else. End of the day it's about whether things are with it, or not. I have chosen to preserve the better parts and to abandon the bitter parts. Half and half I am fighting my guilt because some people need the pain. Or in other cases, they do not even feel any pain at all. End of the day, I am the only one who can guide myself ultimately. To be a better person is all about management which I mentioned before. Be it time mgmt, anger mgmt, image mgmt etc etc. I am emotional, but also goal oriented. Of course the best scenario will be when my goals fits what makes me happy emotionally. I am not a saint. I do get angry though not often but I don't speak "angry". People with awesome anger mgmt speak "coerce" which is a high level thing. I have been at the other end of these two languages and it ain't pretty. Someone told me I am not affected by what is happening... But rather what I have to do or the course of actions I need to take. While feeling guilty even if I am not directly answerable yet I guess I agree, to an extent. I do know how to handle it but its more of what follows next that worries me. There are just too many what ifs in the equation and I don't like uncertainty. Or course surprises and excitement is welcome but not when it comes to my foundations. Things which are supposed to keep me anchored or be anchored in my life hahas, Any the ways, will just see how things go. After so much emotional up and down, I realize, it's because I care. Always have to come back to this point, then to decide if its worth it to care, And then, react accordingly. And now, no matter what the stupid hooha may be, it should just happen ASAP. And so my stupid eyelid can stop twitching. Has always been accurate in bad omens. But this time, really too long and yesterday someone said could be brain or nerve virus. As happened to that someone's relative. Well I appeared calm but it sure scared the hell out of me lols. So, 該來的就快來okay? X_X And today, I don't know how to answer you, I just hope I won't have to put on a mask in front of you. Or present what I don't totally feel just so you will be happier. Because, somehow I realize, your expectations of you are the same with all others... Or perhaps it's just like how people expects a singer to sing most of the time... Or a clown to smile and jest all the time... Hmmms. 有時候我覺得，在這個假仁假義的世界裡，沒有人想聽真話。 陽奉陰違的人只管開心拍著彼此的馬屁，得過且過。 熱情之人由熱轉涼，由涼轉冷，只顧本份，不問世事。 Oh! And this is only the beginning... I just hope I won't become the egg!  |
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Mummy & Dad @ Grad Day~
