Stuck at an adapting point.
Life Wise:      Single        –> Attached
Work Wise:   New Bird –> Adult Bird

More than enough to tank.
Less to say I got one more aspect to reconcile.
Raine Wise:  Old Self –> Current/New Self

What I am facing and am equipped with is different.
Same as the emotions and thoughts running through.
New scenarios call for different measures and skill sets I have.

How do I explain? To be honest, humans are complicated creatures.
But I guess most of you already know it.
More often than not, humans know they have issues.

It is only up to them whether they front it face on or go into denial.
Behind every action they take, there is and has to be a motivation behind it.
Every one would have different aims or even if they are the same they take different steps to achieve.

Me, I’m a i-want-everyone-to-be-happy person.
Of course I don’t force myself to do things I dislike to achieve that. 
But sometimes you see people letting you down when you have been nothing but giving towards them.

Or you see and hear with your own eyes how people can frame others for their own actions.
Of course I am not the person being framed but witnessing how people can frame others is really scary. 
I guess being so much into a people’s business further clarifies how scary humans can be.

Granted I really see cases where people have been nothing but heart-warming yet the ratio is bone-chilling.
Work wise, as per every job, there are ups and downs but I can’t help but feel a little stagnant.
But of course after such a long way I have come I will remain a player in this industry.   

I didn’t come this far to quit but I guess I’m just disappointed by some of the sights along the way.
Life wise, I have been a pretty private person like details of my life. Social self is an separate matter.
If you are my FB friend you would know how much the direction of my posts have changed.

I still have my style of posting photos, captioning, tagging people and all but the core has shifted.
All these new behaviour is as if I have never been attached previously.
I really don’t know. On one hand happiness ought to be shared.

On the other hand, I suppose there is only so much blessings people are willing to give, is it?
Maybe I am overthinking it but I guess I just need to strike a balance between everything…
It does feel like a first love you know? The eagerness to share happy times, the constant communication frequency and all.

Or maybe all these confusion I’m facing also comes from how well Bear is treating me.
Perhaps I sound a little pathetic or easy to please but just note that when all these add up, its pretty exponential indeed.
Small details like sending me home after every meet up we have, being the first gf he holds bags for, actually caring if I  have reached home.

No he doesn’t live near me, he lives at woodlands in case you thought sending me home was a piece of cake.
Although my bags are pretty big cause I’m kiasu that way, it’s the fact he gets that rush of dotingness towards me that matters.
A lot of people say text me when you reach home but if you don’t, they don’t care cause they only say say. But he will wait for the message.

I am not sure if majority of guys out there are like that. Maybe you think all this is basic but you can’t deny it takes effort to be consistent through out.
I finally have someone who can cheer me up when I’m feeling upset. I don’t have to worry about getting scolded or feeling inadequate for my basis of being upset.
I guess it’s all about frequency and the main core of concern of the person listening. It’s hard to explain to you but let me try.

It’s like if you tell someone you are having a rough day and their concern is be a listener, they would listen and try to understand why you are upset.
If their main concern is to validate why you should not be upset (because they would not be in your shoes), they would tell you many reasons why you are wrong to be that upset.
If their main concern is to be there, there for you, they would give you a hug to console, then listen and understand, agree they see things from your point (within reasonable parameters obviously)
and state how things may not be that bad after all.

The difference is, the third totally puts you at ease, knowing that they are on your side. If you are right they will support you.
If you are wrong, they would tell you but if you insist they will still support you and be there in case things go wrong.
You don’t feel like you will be scolded or heaven forbid, judged. Which may or may not be even reasonably in the first place.

it’s also the little things that I remember well, things that matter to me.
For the longest time ever I have been saying eyes could speak and people look at me like I’m mad lols.
And here comes along someone who even interprets my eye language correctly.

I guess I really got an upgrade.  I am still getting to learn a lot of new things about Bear since we are pretty newly together.
But it may be that damn close to a soul mate if there ever was one, going by all the similarities we have…
Putting everything aside, the level of devotion may just override all other points I guess.

He makes effort to spend time with my family, even noticing little expressions I have.
Like for instance there was this once when a hawker didn’t give me enough sauce on my rice.
I didn’t say anything cause I didn’t want to cause more trouble.

But he saw my face and asked to confirm if it was insufficient sauce as he interpreted.
And then he asked for extra sauce for me from the hawker. It’s little things like that touches the heart.
Getting the sauce is small issue, making sure my needs are met is the crux here. #unforgettablethoughtfulness

I’ve always understood that being together with someone was never a 1-1 we happy can already matter.
It’s always a family-family love life because without family, where will anyone be at?
Admittedly his family is really pretty big and not that easy to crack (as in be lovable to them) but that’s not something I can budge on.

I did have a head start since we are poly friends and his mom kind of remembers me from then.
But from here on, we have much factors  to consider before making any decisions or arrangements.
Any relationship I am in, I’m in it for the long haul. I’ve made painful mistakes before and I would be very careful this time round.

The scariest thing is to start out wrong because once people settle into a pattern, goodness knows what will be able to change it.
A person can never be too careful right? Anyways the start up is always the hardest.
Best to also stabilize all aspects of my life before proceeding to conquer more territories, figuratively speaking.

TBH will be pretty stressed cause it really isn’t easy to start everything all over again.
Getting to know new people, gaining their trust, giving parts of yourself out again and trusting that they would not hurt you…
I may not be old-old but heart’s a little weak already you know hahas. 

But moving on is easier said than done. It’s like having a shadow from past experiences cast on you even though my heart and mind
can totally differentiate between the two parties cause they are so very different, each in their own ways. 
But sometimes I just cant help but cause the old shadow to harm the new light cause of my own incapability to self neutralize.

Like physically, psychologically, mentally. Slowly, but definitely, I am healing, albeit painfully.
But isn’t this what love is all about? <It isn’t love if it doesn’t hurt, ain it?>
I know I said it previously already and libras don’t say things like that easily.

But I really do love you.
Reporting wise, I just mean I’m confused. The way you are handing over the whole of yourself to me…
I’m not sure if I can measure up, because of my past privacy issues with family and ex issues with independence.
I don’t mean you are governing over my life like a policeman whatsoever.

I don’t know if all human beings are like that but it’s during some snippets that makes me question my self worth.
Like when you are so awesome to me I might sometimes think things like, was I less of a human then to not receive such treatment…
But I would always bring myself back to the starting thought that, it’s all about compatibility I guess.    

Anyways, to summarize my super super super long post,
let me summarize it with 2 quote-pictures. Hmmms.


(not sure if you are even still reading this but still, I would like to say…)

I’m sorry I wasn’t the right one for you but I am really thankful to you now that you
made the decision to free yourself or me, even if the decision came a few years late…

I would also like to thank you on the lessons. Since our breakup, I took time to reflect and got
enlightened on the faults and strengths we each had. I’ve since then learnt from all my previous
mistakes and it has greatly benefitted me in terms of personal development and bgr mgmt.

I sincerely hope that you would find the girl of your dreams that you have always wanted.
I am sure you would treat her like a princess then because your heart will guide you that way.

I wish nothing but happiness for you. No one can take away what we went through together
even if our paths shall never cross each others’ again for the rest of our lives.
Knowing that you are doing fine, I will be happy for you.

Soon your studies will end, you will start work and I’m sure your life will only get more
and more interesting that way. All the best! (:

Bear, thanks for being the one that made this so very true.
It will not be easy but I will never give up on you just as you are that devoted to me.
Thanks for being so patient with me, for loving all my little actions, quirks and peeves I have.

Time wise, I may not be able to commit as much to you as compared to you for me but I will try.
I will strive to be the girl deserving of a doting awesome bf as you are.
So long as we hold on to the promise of not giving up on each other no matter how bad things may seem.

You make me happy and much as I know I make you happy, sometimes I’m also the source of your tinges of sadness.
I am awfully sorry for that from my hair tips to the soles of my feet and beyond lols but once I’m all adapted and sorted out, it will all be better.
For now, I like how you always share your troubles with me and see me as an equal or better depending on situation and vice versa.

So, #communicationandfreeairconwithyourcoldjokesftw? HEHS ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤