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♥ SNAPSHOTS OF LOVE ♥
Impromptu PMS
Friday, July 5, 2013 @ 8:49 PM
I blame every bout of unhappy emotions on PMS. Even if I do not have it at the moment lols. The truth is everyone likes positive people. People who are always seemingly happy, that bundle of sunshine. In terms of temperament, I'm a venter. I vent I complain and I'm fine. I don't exactly hold grudges because that's tiring. Through these years, I've seen more people, I've gone through more things. And I've really learnt to self reflect and that's scary. Other than finding out things about yourself, you start to see people for who they are. Especially when we all usually don't take time to assess what we have been doing all along. I've always believed in karma, psychology and sociology. It is a science, it is a logic, it is a way of life and a way to love. There's always two sides to a coin, a situation, a cause and effect. If you are late, there is someone waiting. If you are punctual and the other is late, you are waiting. I don't really know which side I should be on though logic has the answer. I have bad time mgmt as most close friends know. As a FC now, I do try super hard to arrive on time if not earlier. Then I start becoming the one who is always waiting. It's alright when I'm free but when I'm stressed and busy, it's bad. As a venter I'm working on my anger mgmt, especially when the person is also bochap. I mean yes I do arrive late too but I at least apologize. & not act like everything's just fine, like people should wait for me. As if just because they are just that awesome. (Ahem?!) I don't say I'm a very social person but I somehow find myself arranging for meetups. It's tiring, especially when people don't reciprocate like replying their availability. And on top of that they lament how busy you are. Hi, news flash but my life doesn't revolve around just meeting you. Appreciate that I arrange and cooperate so we all are much happier. I am busy but even so understand that i still do make time to meet up. If you are that free, I would gladly let you do the arranging. You can be sure I will totally cooperate because I know how it sucks, Being at the other end of doing a favor and getting ignored. Then again, it's me. When I have something to be done, I need it done. I don't like to play the waiting game, not that I can't. Cause the person losing out might not be me and I care. But it makes me awfully upset when I always start doing things happily. For friends and alike and end up like a fool. That's for being helpful and caring? You would have thought after so long I would have learnt my lesson. But I have not. It's too ingrained in my instincts. Logic also says to expect less of people, I know and I apply. But I've already lowered my standards to the polite minimums. Yet I still feel cheated. Like booking appts for a friend. Having them reply me without reading my message properly. Resulting in partial cancellation of appt and loads of tension. This kind of miscommunication seriously pisses me off. I'd rather you reply me late than anyhow. Best thing is sounding offended like I asked too much details. Especially if they have read your message properly the details ain needed in the first place. And my dears, this is only one of the scenarios. For not wanting to give too much of yourself anymore, People whom you thought should cut you some slack turn their backs on you. Accusing you of having changed, not being who you should be. In the good old days. But have they ever asked themselves? Were they there when you were in pain or hurting? And after you decided to strengthen yourself and start over, They step in and judge you. Who's being judgmental now? I met before some others who really don't have any expectations. And they are individuals who really don't care at all. There's no right or wrong but I don't want to be like that either. Once you stop caring, there's nothing worth fighting for. Then again if you are the only party who cares it sucks too. Some people voice out opinions thinking they know your situation best. Do they really? So do you tell people things or do you not? When they use it against you, you feel like the biggest fool ever. But to hold it all in is going to so cause internal injuries. And it feels really tiring to even have to guard against friends. How hurt does a human have to be to be able to flip their emotion switch? Sometimes, being too full of empathy sucks. Other than my parents, I've been seeing selfishness everywhere and it's sad. Of course, I am selfish too. I do not want to be hurt anymore. Or maybe those who have hurt me, I do not find it worthy at all. I'd choose anger over hurt, disappointment and realization any day. I see how people are judged by insane and (perhaps unfair) standards. I see how people played with other for their own selfish gains. I see how people looked down on other peoples' love, like theirs is always superior. I see how self centered some people can be, in their actions, by their thoughts. And I'm cracking my brain, wrecking my nerves, trying to find out. How best to remain nonchalant, sensitive without being overly friendly, helpful, empathetic. All in all, how to best protect myself when surviving. Humans are such fascinating creatures, all so beautiful. And all so hideous in their own ways. Now, all that is left is to find the creature that suits your beauty and ugliness nicely. We call them, soul mates. Lols. That someone that your actions triggers the reaction you want out of them and vice versa. Everything is a cause and effect. At least that's my theory. Like who you like might not like you. Who likes you might not be who you can stand. When the one you like likes you back, the next question will be... "Suitable and compatible or not"? And this applies to friends, colleagues and life partners alike. Growing up means seeing people for who they really are. Pardoning them for many things they did to you because it makes you feel better. Because they must not have meant it. They are just the way they are. And drawing the limit at being used or abused. I have been abusing unknowingly and being abused knowingly for years before I got enlightened. Now that my eyes are so crystal clear, they hurt from all the impurities around. So much dynamics have since changed and I started seeing people in new light. Not all bad actually. I started to appreciate the non judgmental people more. People who were silent but always there. Sincere stalkers etc. (lols) I've learnt to prioritize. Spending time with people who makes me happy. Learning how to better assess people and their hidden languages. Most of the time though, I still tap into my innermost sensor. Hahas. So the next time you see me, beware. I can feel auras!!! Stay nice and you will be fine! For unworthy people though, bad news for you all. I'm preparing to slowly cut you all out of my life. Soon, last but not least...  Labels: abuse, communication, disappointment, Emotions, family, friends, frustrations, growing up, karma, late, life, love, PMS, psychology, selfishness, sociology, soul mates, time management |
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Mummy & Dad @ Grad Day~
