I'm sure we all know.

Work & career are 2 different words.

But i cant start to tell you how different the two are.

I am a very lucky girl.

That i never do deny.

My parents love me and i'm not lacking in any way.

I am not flawed by birth mentally nor physically...

(Though dimples are that one flaw I would kill to have!)

Would say i start as a normal kid hahas.

I am blessed to be born one of those slimmer beings.

(Though i'm fat now cause i love eating & eating destresses me)

Did you know i was really fat as a baby? *think lotus arms*

I have quite serious STM & a lousy sense of direction.

But hey no one's perfect! Hahas.

And i am tanned, while my brother is so fair!

All thanks to my coffee loving mum.

I've always joked she must have learnt her lesson and drank loads of milk after me!

But i love her nonetheless, just like she loves me unconditionally.

Until today, she is still the only one i sai nai to!

(Sai nai is like go all little girl mode; hokkien)

As in for some people i know, guys or girls, they do it to quite a lot of people lols.

My main point is (before i drift to farfaraway to meet Fiona & Shrek)

I have always been much doted at work.

All sorts of work.

Be it at cafes, restaurants,  hotels.

Be it property companies or a few IT companies.

But now, at the smallest place i've worked before, i am me yet not me.

As usual i am still learning, always there are things to be learnt.

But here, you learn it the hard way.

I do things i dont want. I follow things i dont like.

But end of the day, its all for my own good.

I am happy to have been so loved previously and am so grateful.

This time, i may have a lot more unhappiness.

But it makes me grow. And this is only the beginning.

I believe other companies will not be corporately that far off.

So like my manager says, 'This is the best training ground for you.'

'Yes you have a lot to do, a lot to prove but we are willing to delegate.'

'We give you chances to fall and in turn, chances to fly.'

Which i do agree. Honestly i have never worked a job till i cried out of stress.

Out of falling short of everyone's expectation.

I cant bear the disappointment i have for myself.

Since i am used to exceeding everyone's expectations.

A lot of things that should have been common sense applies to every company adaptedly.

Depending on company culture & the unpredictable human factor.

If I may, let me share with you what I have learnt so far. Sort of a recap hahas.

1. Follow.

- be the best copycat you can be.

- see how everyone does things & do the same.

- even if it doesnt suit your style somehow.

- this is to show you take the company culture as your own.

- you may if you want to make changes but only when you are 'implanted, fitted in' nicely.

This used to be tough for me cause i want to be different.

Even little things like email signature. Cause i am me.

But in a team, you are still you, but also part of a team.

To be honest, i have a perfectionist streak in me. Alright, maybe a few streaks.

But the thing is, i am used to doing things on my own, my way.

For if others fail to perform what i envisioned i  will be disappointed.

Which is why its hard for me to be a good leader.

Im more of a good worker hahas. Excellent tai tai in fact. Any takers? Lols.

Coming back, in a team means... I GET HELP!

Im so used to working on my own until getting help becomes a privilege.

And i dont mind the helping back when my colleagues need me.

I have always been too kpo (busybody) for my own good anyways hahas.

2. Alert.

- always be alert at work. Especially boss directions.

- ever notice everyone gets SUPER busy when the bosses are around?

- i think its very playacting. And i have always been working.

- why the need to act busy? But the fact is, this is what the bosses want to see.

- If you fall short of playing your part, your impression goes down.

Now i still do my work as usual but maybe sit straighter,

Talk a bit more on the phone, clear more mails.

All these are under my job scope just that these feels formal, work-ish.

I leave more of designing, personal brainstorming during lunch, OT,

Or when boss is not around.

My manager points out pointedly to me that bosses see only results.

Without designs and art, collaterals will not be there.

But sales is what drives profit. So boss would rather see me replying customer mails etc.

Which i gave him what he wanted.

To be honest, when i just  started out and was quite nothing to do yet...

I used to leave quite on the go or half hour later.

I had finished my tasks but his company adopts a OT culture.

It made me feel guilty to leave but you  cant ask me to stay and surf net for OT?

And marketing scope is quie sensitive.

If you dont know much about  the project, its hard to pass you projects lest you screw it up.

And so the story goes, as i set up facebook and habdle basic web designing projects...

Boss did not  give me the feel like he loathed me anymore.

Maybe its also in contrast previously like he is good with my manager and colleague.

So i did feel left out but being new is like that.

I started on the wrong note with this company but im glad its all better now.

For i know first impressions are hard to change and i am thankful.

On a side note, i used to think of leaving.

Everything everyone was so harsh on my mental and emotional health.

But my manager said: 'leaving is easy'.

'Other jobs migt be better, if not worse. Are you going to leave & leave?'

'The real challenge is to stay, to work hard & change what went wrong.'

'Thats far more satisfying than impressing on a clean slate.'

Depressed, i went home and thought things over.

I am not here nor here. Not settled enough yet not unbearable enough to unroot & go.

So i decided to give myself a chance.

All my life i have never worked my best before.

Unmotivated. This time, at least i am trying.

Not best yet but definitely working hard.

3. Note.

- note down tasks that you have been assigned.

- collate & follow up day after day to clear

- instructions given, passing demands, meetings, discussions, brief mentions, anything

- not sure for you now or in future but my job scope is very general

Sure, marketing & art is my  main but i got customer service, shop support

And all other random duties that come up.

Database, stocktake (urgent stocks or understaffed), manual work...

And the list doesnt end, basically, all under the title of ...

'Business Development Executive'.

I think the title is brillant.

Basically it translates to 'anything translating to output that makes company grow.'

Anyways my company has a new boss coming in so my colleague is removed to help him.

Now my manager says i got to fly. A lot  things to do, that needs to be  done.

I am all stressed, thrilled and doubtful at the same time.

Stressed with the short time frame, unpredictable job scope, high quality task clearances etc.

Thrilled at getting my own projects & getting handed the more arty things to do.

In near future i am super interested in going for design & web language courses.

Whether by company's account or my own account.

Adds to the range of capabilties i can use for my work.

Anyways i am also doubtful if i can perform to their standard.

This is real $$$ we are talking about. Not like past projects.

'Assuming you have a start up capital of $500,000'...(accounting/marketing) lols.

Last but not least, i just want to say i am very tired.

Working weekends teaching kids is my passion.

Plus it pays me rather well, just what i need.

My full time is paying me much below market rate but i get to learn a lot.

And am rather empowered to hanfle projects so its a pros and cons for ms libra again.

Anyways i am happy to be usinh my time so fully everyday.

But please keep the weight gain and impending sickness at bay please.

I got too much events upcoming i cant fall sick.

I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO THE DAY WHERE MY PASSION SAYS HI TO MY BREAD. ((:

Signing off with ♥,

Raine (:

P.s. Story of dyeing hair red on another day~

(: